Wednesday, 21 January 2015

2 comments:

  1. OGR 22/01/2015

    Evening Jamie,

    I really like this premise - it feels like classic fable - and I love the contradiction between the size and strength of the lumberjack and the egg. I do have a couple of suggestions, because I think, as of now, your ending is a little weak, and I think there might be nice way to close the circle:

    So, the lumberjack, in cutting down a tree, trashes a nest; the nest falls down; eggs break, except one. Lumberjack feels bad about the broken eggs, so vows to look after the surviving one. Meanwhile, a hungry animal looks on; it wants the egg for itself. (To be honest, I think a wolf might be overkill, because it's the egg that's in danger from the animal, so maybe a stoat or fox or weasel would make more sense?). Lumberjack takes egg home; to me, it seems odd that a lumberjack would have a greenhouse, so perhaps you could signal to the audience that the lumberjack was once married, and that the greenhouse (small and delicate, in contrast with the man himself) was his wife's (now dead). So, he puts the egg in the greenhouse and looks after it there, and here we get a sense of him 'learning to love again' - because really his heart is broken since his wife died. The egg hatches; the lumberjack feeds the bird; and protects it from the weasel/fox/stoat/whatever. The stoat grows increasingly hostile toward the lumberjack. The bird grows. Finally the bird is big enough to fly off. The lumberjack is sad, but resigned. Then, that night, enraged and vengeful the fox/stoat/weasel/whatever comes into the house and is out for blood; in the darkness there is a noise, a commotion, the lumberjack turns light on to see that the fox has been killed by the bird...

    You see - your idea has this fable quality; this classic feel, like the good samaritan; by adding a few of the other dimensions in terms of the lumberjack's own grief, it really begins to spark :)

    I think there's lots of opportunity here for some lovely character design - playing with the scale of the lumberjack, and the scale of everything else - this gentle giant squeezing into his tiny greenhouse, for example, and living in a sort of tiny cabin. Anyway - lots of potential, Jamie - so take a look at your premise in light of this feedback and move now into working up a complete script.

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  2. Thank you Phil, i can see how this would give the story a nice twist and make it more engaging. Ill get working on the script.

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