Wednesday, 4 February 2015

1 comment:

  1. OGR 06/05/2015

    Hi Jamie,

    Okay - a couple of things to think about: style - there's a big jump in terms of stylisation between your lumberjack and your baby bird. Your baby bird is highly toony, cute and super-simple in a Bob Godfrey-esque way :

    http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2013/2/22/1361558919327/roobarb-and-custard-bob-g-008.jpg

    ... and your human characters represent a jumping up in terms of 'realism' etc. You need to make a decision here about the universe you're actually in re. your visual concept; are you this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtI1pWkHto0

    or this?

    http://imageserver.moviepilot.com/incredibles-why-the-incredibles-2-will-be-pixar-s-best-sequel.jpeg?width=1280&height=994

    I'm pushing everyone to think about their characters as being presented as 'animation ready' - i.e. that they've been cleaned up and presented as model sheets - for example:

    http://archives.frederatorblogs.com/talk_to_the_snail/files/2008/04/sc15tabby.jpg
    http://sites.psu.edu/schneiderrclblog/wp-content/uploads/sites/701/2013/02/modelsheet.jpg

    Before you can move into this stage, you need to explore the level of realism vs stylisation and make a commitment either way.

    In terms of your story, I find the ending a bit odd now, because it suggests really that the tiny bird didn't really need the help of the lumberjack in the first place - i.e. it can take care of itself thank you very much. I can see why this might be funny, but I don't see how it helps you tell your story about the lumberjack (and this is his story after all).

    In terms of structure, I was left wondering of the flashback to his wife needs to come earlier - i.e. as the prompt for the lumberjack putting the egg into the green house; also, I wonder in terms of more clearly associating the greenhouse with the wife, if the flashback scene should occur when the lumberjack is looking at the greenhouse; like he can't bear to go in there because it makes him too sad, but the egg demands that he does. I just think you need to look again at the ordering and significance of these scenes so we're completely sure of the lumberjack's internal thought processes.

    So - headlines are: stylisation vs realism - make a choice. Look again at your ending - does it complete the lumberjack's story; and look again at the sequencing of the wife scenes and their location. Finally - model sheets and concept art - think about them as being 'for animation' and fit for purpose, as opposed to them just being drawings.

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